I have never been good with confrontation. When put in a sticky situation, I normally suck it up and then stew about all the things I should have said to get my point across. I guess I just don't like anyone to feel awkward or maybe I'm just not that quick on my feet. It can even be as simple as when I get my hair cut and I don't like it. I will lie and say "it's great" and then spend the next week wishing I had her even out the layers. Confrontation can be a really good thing, even necessary when done tactfully and without getting emotional. Ryan does a great job at this when working with people with borderline personality that are trying to manipulate him. There have been many times I have asked him advice on how to deal with difficult patients and situations. Finally, an event has occurred where I walked away thinking I did it right.
I have been wanting to go to this kickboxing gym for a while. It is a real training gym with a ring in the center and punching bags all around. I bought hand wraps and got my old sparring gloves out of storage. The gym is in an old warehouse and a little intimidating with big burly guys everywhere. The owner told me to pay after the class as it had already started. A punching bag is great way to get out frustration and aggression. Class finished and I went to pay.
First, the owner told me that I read the price wrong from his website but when we both revisited it, he was clearly wrong. I then corrected him again on something else and
he said, "What's your name?"
me----- "Cheyney"
Him---- "Janey, you are f*@$asdling getting on my nerves!"
SHOCKED Me-- "Really, the F word. You think that is appropriate."
Him------- "This isn't Jenny Craig. I say _____ ____ and _____ whenever I want."
My first instinct was run. Do I pay first and then feel horrible about it? It seems obvious now how to respond but I wavered a bit. I had to go against my nature and stick up for myself. I mustered a little courage and notified him I was not paying, was no longer interested in a membership and made my exit.
Still after, I thought of what zingers I could have said to him about how he treated customers, how he had a personality disorder, or where he could stick it. But then I was proud that I said what I needed, didn't stoop to his level, and didn't cry.
Do you have any examples of when confrontation has worked for you?
