I have never been good with confrontation. When put in a sticky situation, I normally suck it up and then stew about all the things I should have said to get my point across. I guess I just don't like anyone to feel awkward or maybe I'm just not that quick on my feet. It can even be as simple as when I get my hair cut and I don't like it. I will lie and say "it's great" and then spend the next week wishing I had her even out the layers. Confrontation can be a really good thing, even necessary when done tactfully and without getting emotional. Ryan does a great job at this when working with people with borderline personality that are trying to manipulate him. There have been many times I have asked him advice on how to deal with difficult patients and situations. Finally, an event has occurred where I walked away thinking I did it right.
I have been wanting to go to this kickboxing gym for a while. It is a real training gym with a ring in the center and punching bags all around. I bought hand wraps and got my old sparring gloves out of storage. The gym is in an old warehouse and a little intimidating with big burly guys everywhere. The owner told me to pay after the class as it had already started. A punching bag is great way to get out frustration and aggression. Class finished and I went to pay.
First, the owner told me that I read the price wrong from his website but when we both revisited it, he was clearly wrong. I then corrected him again on something else and
he said, "What's your name?"
me----- "Cheyney"
Him---- "Janey, you are f*@$asdling getting on my nerves!"
SHOCKED Me-- "Really, the F word. You think that is appropriate."
Him------- "This isn't Jenny Craig. I say _____ ____ and _____ whenever I want."
My first instinct was run. Do I pay first and then feel horrible about it? It seems obvious now how to respond but I wavered a bit. I had to go against my nature and stick up for myself. I mustered a little courage and notified him I was not paying, was no longer interested in a membership and made my exit.
Still after, I thought of what zingers I could have said to him about how he treated customers, how he had a personality disorder, or where he could stick it. But then I was proud that I said what I needed, didn't stoop to his level, and didn't cry.
Do you have any examples of when confrontation has worked for you?
12 comments:
BRAVO!!!! I am SO proud of you!!!! You did EXACTLY what you should've! You know what would've happened if I had been in that situation =)(cops would've been called, lots of blood, etc) You're AWESOME for just walking away =)Love you lots!
Wow! I would have cried. I am impressed!
I stood up to the faceless, heartless corporation; much less brave than facing off with a foul mouthed, angry kickboxing gym owner. Being a guy, in that situation I probably would have been punched in the grill for doing what you did. Very brave!! Anyway, Dish Network tried to fleece us out of $200. Long story short, I wielded my ultimate weapon, the Better Business Bureau, and voila! !$200 refund soon followed.
I can't believe he acted that way! What's wrong with people. Good for you, I would have tucked my tail, ran and cried all of the way home!!! GO JANEY, I mean Cheyney!!
Cheyney it takes guts to stick up for yourself especially against a guy who is bravely going up against a girl who is obviously smaller and weaker than him -- sounds like a real winner. I bet his mom is proud of the way her son turned out. You know the entire stories behind the two (yes exactly two) times I stood up for myself so I won't re-bore you.
I don't usually condone vandalism, but do you know where the guy parks?
Yikes!! Sounds like a brute! Good work! I rarely stand up to people...I have been giving this a lot of thought lately too. I even have a hard time dealing with people who are nice and trying to make me buy something (i.e. car dealers). Why can't I just be up front and clear and stand my ground? I need to take some lessons from you!!!
How shocking--I can't believe he treated you like that. I'm proud of you that you stood up to him. What in the world is he doing, working with customers? Must be out on parole. . .
Great job Chenney! I had to stick up for myself with my principal at the beginning of the year. I was really scared too! However, I think it has really changed our relationship. Matter of fact I rarely see her this year.
I hope you are doing well. It has been a long time since we have spoken. Give me a call when you get a chance.
I'm impressed, but not surprised. I bet you're stronger than you give yourself credit for. You have boxing gloves, don't you? You walked into that training gym and took a class, didn't you? You're awesome!
you should go back in and challenged him to arm wrestle
After trying to get an acting job in Hollywood for almost 10 years and now coming to a small NH town, I am very gun-shy when it comes to people trying to walk on me. 2 weeks ago I told the entire board of admissions at Dartmouth to go "stick it where the sun don't shine." I was so proud that I stood up for myself!! But then I lived in fear that my work would require me to deal with them. Then I remembered that I'm trying to be more Christlike... so I sent an apology letter. Ha ha! Good job Cheyney! And remember, don't ever assume a guy won't hit a girl.
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